


Little do you know I'll love till the sun dies

by princesssroyalpinkpanties



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Or not, Season/Series 03, Time Travel, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 08:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20850464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesssroyalpinkpanties/pseuds/princesssroyalpinkpanties
Summary: Sam and Dean are dreading the end of Dean's demon contract. The fear of losing each other and the suppressed feelings they have for their brother create a distance they can not overcome.Ten years in the future, Sam and Dean have a happy life, living in the bunker hunting and loving each other to the fullest. Until, some witch casts a spell on them and they're forced to be face by face with the worst part of their lives again.But will that curse bring something good out of it? Can the brothers find a way back to each other even after so many things standing in between? They will get a little help from their future selves.





	Little do you know I'll love till the sun dies

**Author's Note:**

> This story was born from a dream my good friend Elle had. Thank you for being my biggest fan and giving me great prompts, miga <3 (https://twitter.com/jensensboyjared/status/1167052603177537536)

Dean had Sam forced against the wall, his hands closed around his shirt. It wasn’t the first time this week, and it wouldn’t be the last until this race was over.

Dean sometimes desired for this shit to be over already, for him to go to hell and spend his eternity running away from Sam and those stupid fights, the tortures of the pit couldn’t be worse than watching his little brother’s heart break every time they ended up like this. Every time Dean couldn’t control his damn brain, his fucking heart. 

He was scared, he could admit that to himself, but not to Sam. Sam knew of course, but he couldn’t force Dean to repeat it out loud. Every time he tried, this is where it finished. Dean couldn’t be obliged to face his feelings about his imminent future, his eternal after life being tortured by every piece of trash demon who was sent to the same jail he’s going to by him, Sam or his father. He knew what was waiting for him and he also knew that there was no escape. He knew his punishment was long overdue and he deserved the torture, for every innocent soul he had left be murdered, for every innocent monster he had killed without a question, but mostly for every disturbed, sick and sinful thought he had had about his baby brother. He couldn’t care less for the physical pain he was expected to receive. 

For Dean, nothing could be worse than the torture of spending the eternity away from Sam. 

His breathing started to speed at the thought, he blinked and stared at his hands holding Sam’s shirt. He could feel his chest moving up and down, he pressed his hands a little harder against his chest, to feel his heartbeat. It was beating fast, but his breathing was controlled. He stared into his brother’s eyes and saw nothing but patience and sadness staring back at him. Dean felt a aching pain in his heart and an burning rage, not at Sam but himself. He just couldn’t tell the difference anymore, so he pressed his body hard against Sam, their faces were close and he could feel the hot air coming out of Sam’s mouth. His eyes didn’t blink, it was like he could make Sam understand his pain if he kept staring, he freed his hands from the fists but didn’t stop touching Sam’s chest and Sam’s hands started to move up his back, in soothing, permissive movements. Something must have changed in his eyes, because he saw Sam’s change too. Dean could feel the anger changing into the longing sadness that surrounded him whenever he and Sam were like this. 

Sam moved his hands down and up again, under Dean’s shirt this time. The alarm rang in Dean’s head, but he wanted the comfort so much he couldn’t make himself step away. He couldn’t remember anymore why they had started this argument, what Sam had said that made Dean so angry or what he wanted to do to Sam before. Sam’s body was close to his and his eyes were begging for this, begging Dean to allow him to comfort him. Goosebumps broke through his skin and he impulsively put his head on the curve of Sam’s neck, breathing his scent, trying to memorize and categorize all of Sam’s characteristics. Fuck, he would miss everything about him so much. Sam smelled like cheap wood cologne, sweat and something so unique he could only categorize as Sam. It was the smell of home, of love and acceptation. Sam’s skin was hot and Dean could feel his heartbeat through his jugular. Part of his sick mind reminded him of how that sensitive skin would feel on his teeth and tongue. How that would take such pretty sounds from his little brother’s mouth. 

As if Sam was thinking the same thing, and part of Dean prayed that he did just a little, Sam moved his head to lay it on top of Dean’s. His mouth was close to Dean’s ear and his neck was so close Dean could just stick his tongue out to touch it. He let out a sigh and a tremor went down Sam’s body. Dean imagined the sound that came out of Sam, but his dick responded to it anyway. One of Sam’s hand moved to his hair and he brushed the tip of his fingers on Dean’s nape. It was Dean’s turn to shake. Fuck, this wasn’t right. He had to ignore the fulfillment that Sam’s touch brought to his heart. He was a fucked up, soon to be demon son of a bitch who wanted to make love to his brother. Damn right he deserved to die and burn in hell. 

He just couldn’t take Sam’s soul with him as well, he wouldn’t forgive himself for this. Never. Dean bit his lip until he could feel the taste of blood and pushed himself away from his brother. He looked up, to make sure he would feel the disgust and pity in Sam’s eyes. It was worse when he couldn’t found neither. Instead, he realized he had broken Sam’s heart once more. 

“Dean…” Sam started, but closed his mouth. Dean waited for a few seconds, but neither of them could say anything. Nothing could repair that damage. Dean wanted peace.

“I’m sorry, Sammy. Let’s just not talk about this anymore. There’s no hope for me anymore, little brother. I’ve got three months left to go and I don’t want to fight with you throughout my last days. Please?” Dean didn’t wait for Sam to answer, he was walking out of the motel room and almost ran to the car. Sam didn’t ask him where he was going.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam was pressed against the wall of the bunker’s library. Dean’s hands were on him in a second, grasping at his shirt eagerly to push them off of Sam’s body. When all the layers were on the floor, Dean pushed Sam again for good measure and held his waist to keep him still while he was sucking on Sam’s nipples. Dean took his time, like the tease he was and Sam loved every second. He watched Dean’s big lips close around the small tip, he felt his tongue licking in circles while his hand pinched the other nip. Sam moved his hands through Dean’s naked back, nails leaving marks in all the length and getting a groan from Dean. Sam answered with a soft moan and the sound was good enough to make Dean work harder. He let go of Sam’s waist to open Sam’s belt and the button of his jeans. 

“Dean…” Sam tried to protest, but Dean just looked at him with a fire so deep that it seemed anger. Sam finished his sentence with a moan and Dean held his dick on his warm, rough hands. Dean knew what Sam liked, he knew what he needed. They had known each other intimately for all their lives, so when they accepted this other side of their relationship, there was nothing strange about it or nothing that they hadn’t already known. Sam knew Dean’s body like his own and it was only natural to touch it, kiss it and give all the pleasure he could. He loved his big brother with every fiber of his heart and Dean loved him back. There was no one else for them, but to explore the love they already had. Dean was great at doing so. 

“Don’t lose focus here, little brother. What you thinkin’ about?” Dean noticed Sam was getting lost on his thoughts and stopped the movement of his hand. He kissed Sam’s neck and the corner of Sam’s smile.

“I was thinking about how well you know me.” Sam laughed softly. Dean mirrored the smile, but with a wicked one.

“About how I know every sensitive piece of skin on this beautiful body of yours, you mean? Or about how I know exactly what makes my little brother open his legs for me?” The smile was still there, but Dean pinched hard one Sam’s nipples again. The pain rushed through Sam’s body straight to his cock, a flow of pre come got out of the head, slicking Dean’s fingers. Sam groaned and Dean repeated the sound and the action. Sam’s mouth was open and Dean didn’t hesitate to fill the space with his tongue. They kissed deep, their tongues fighting a wet battle for dominance. Sam knew Dean always let him win. 

Dean’s hands returned the movement on his cock, he used his thumb to spread the pre come all over Sam’s length. At this pace, Sam was going to come faster than ever. 

He moved his hips in synchrony with Dean’s hand, fucking Dean’s hand while they kissed. Sam tried to reach Dean’s jeans but Dean slapped his hand away. “I want to come inside you” that slap said. That was okay for Sam, work could wait for a little longer. 

“Table.” He cried between kisses, eyes closed from the pleasure. Dean understood the message, pushing them backwards to the table in the center of the room. Dean got rid of both their pants and got to his knees. Sam opened his legs so Dean could fit in between them. Dean looked at him and laughed with the confirmation of what he had just said. Sam rolled his eyes and pulled his head closer to his cock. Dean obeyed and opened his mouth to take Sam’s cock all at once. That was enough to make Sam shake and hold Dean’s head harder. 

“Dee, god, I love your mouth.” Sam huffed, the nickname coming out of his mouth naturally, even though he hadn’t called Dean that for a long time. The thought remained for a second, but Dean was sucking on the head of his cock, eyes locked on Sam’s and his lips looked so damn obscene, red and wet around his dick Sam couldn’t hold any trail of thought if he wanted to. Dean knew all of Sam’s weakness. Dean took turns sucking on the head, then taking all of his cock until Sam’s legs were shaking and the fire ignited down in his belly. Each slide of Dean’s mouth sent another shiver to his body, Sam couldn’t keep his eyes open. 

“Hmmmm” Dean moaned with Sam’s cock in his mouth, like it tasted better than his favorite hamburger. The sound stimulated Sam even more. The fire coursed through his veins, he felt the pressure on his balls and with a soft cry he let Dean know he was coming. 

Dean swallowed his dick one more time, sucking hard and the pressure was enough to take everything from Sam. He let his body fall on the table as Dean sucked and drank all of Sam’s cum, slowly. The tremors in his body were starting to fade when Dean took him out of his mouth and pushed two whole fingers in his asshole. It didn’t hurt, Sam was always ready for his brother. Dean quickly found Sam’s prostate and touched it with his fingers, caressing it as Sam pushed his knees up, holding them open for Dean. 

“Dean, come on. Fuck me big brother.” Sam used the name because he knew the effect it would have on Dean. In two seconds he was up and pressing the head of his cock on Sam’s entrance. He adjusted himself on top of Sam and took one nipple in his mouth as he slowly pushed himself inside. Sam felt his muscles stretch and open, he let himself relax and breath. He held Dean’s head and pulled him up for a kiss. Dean was fully inside him now, they took a moment to kiss and just feel each other’s body. That singular, perfect feeling of fullness and connection when their bodies become one, like their soul. It would never stop to amaze Sam how wonderful Dean was, how special was their relationship. The thought alone was sufficient to make Sam want to come again, and he would soon enough. 

Dean started to move and soon they were lost in the frantic, crazy movement as neither of them could hold any longer. They wanted to reach that moment, Sam was desperate to feel Dean’s hot cum inside him. He knew Dean wanted the same thing, knew how his brother loved the idea of marking Sam from the inside with his fruit. The fire was building inside of him again and his cock was sensitive and hard between their bodies. 

“Want me to come, Sammy? Want to feel your big brother’s cum in your asshole?” Dean asked and Sam knew he was holding on desperately, waiting for Sam to give him the permission. Dean was always giving everything he could to Sam. Sam could only give everything of himself in return. 

“Come inside me, Dee, please. Want to come with you, too. Together.” Sam was able to whisper between shaken breaths. Dean took his cock and two strokes were good to make Sam come again. Two more thrusts of his cock and Dean was coming too, both of their moans and suppressed screams mixing and creating their own harmony.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, in silence, kissing each other’s sweaty faces and resting their contracted muscles. Soon, they would have to leave for a hunt, but for now, time was still. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean barely had any sleep, these days less than ever. But whenever he fell asleep he couldn’t find any peace in his dreams. Most nights he dreamed about Sam being the one torturing him in hell, the same recurring dream. Other nights, he’d be trapped in a loop, running from hellhounds for eternity, the monsters always just about to catch him. Some nights, however, his dreams were different. 

Dean woke up in the middle of the night, his pants wet and sticking to his skin. He had dreamt of him and Sam having sex, older and in a place that looked like a house. Sam was desperate to have Dean inside of him, opposite to how Dean thought Sam would be in real life, and both of them were connect by something much more stronger than sex and a relationship. They were together like one, like Dean once felt he and Sam were when they were younger, before Dean’s sick mind started distorting everything to his own sexual fetishes. There was a huge distance between them now, only getting larger by every time they argued and avoided talking about what it meant to sell his soul and go to hell to save the person you loved the most. Dean could only hope that Sam one day would understand, and forgive him, once he did. 

He looked over to Sam’s bed. The motel bedroom was small, but well illuminated by the outside light. Dean could see Sam’s silhouette next to him, see the movements of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled the air. It reminded him of more innocent times, when Sam was a kid and used to fall asleep on his lap, in dad’s car. Dean would watch Sam’s chest move and relieve himself in the notion that Sammy was alive and right there close to him, he just needed to reach out and touch him. 

Dean reached out his arm, almost like a reflex, and tried to touch Sam but the beds were too far apart. One more thing keeping them distant. 

Dean’s time was running out, each second that passed was one second less he had to spend with his brother, with his Sammy. He would give everything to be able to stop time in that moment, to just stand still and watch his brother sleep without worrying. 

He closed his eyes and remembered his dream, trying to go back to the same dream. He fell back to sleep and time was still one more time. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam took a shower and made his and his brother’s packs. Two bags, but only for practical reasons, his and Dean’s luggage could easily fit in just one. Sometimes Sam was taken back by how close and how dependent he and Dean were to each other. They were one, simple as that, and nothing could get between them. At least, not anymore. They had had their ups and downs, like most couples do, he guessed. 

Sam and Dean’s ups and downs started when they were kids. Sam’s rebellion to his father’s orders too often got in the way of their relationship, because Dean was too worried about the unity of the family to take sides, he just wanted to have his family together and Sam didn’t understand this at the time. Today, he understood too well. 

He remembered the nickname he used to call Dean at the time, when things were okay between them and he and John were getting along. Dee was Sam’s guardian and his best friend, his mother, father and first crush. Dee was everything to Sam. He didn’t remember exactly when he had stopped calling Dean that way, but it had to be after he ran away to Stanford. That was the first physical distance they had between them, and also the start of a series of goodbyes and heartbreaks that followed. Somewhere along the way they had lost each other and somehow found their way back together again. 

His heart made a painful thud at the thought of the most difficult moment they had to go through together. That dreadful year before Dean went to hell put an unbearable distance between them, such distance Sam had thought they would never find their way back to each other. Even after Dean had returned, there was something unfixable and heavy in their relationship. They had gone through hell and they couldn’t stop to realize that it was over, they were together and it should have been enough. But things never worked that way for the Winchesters. 

Sam smiled sadly, he couldn’t avoid thinking about that time and how things could have been different if they had just talked about their feelings and surrendered themselves to the inevitable connection and passion. So many times they had fought and hurt each other just because they were filled with self loathing and fear. Sam wished he could make things different, if he had a second chance. 

He shook his head and went back to organizing their stuff. He got to his knees to find a pair of socks under his bed and found his old memory box. He opened and inside were the only photos of the Winchester family. A few pictures of their childhood and their time living with Bobby. He and Dean were always together, connected by at least one part of the body, always touching. That connection was always there, it was so obvious to anyone but them. Sam smiled again and took one of the pictures and put in his bag, for good luck, he thought. 

Dean was waiting for him on the garage, guns and food ready for the trip. It was going to be a long ride, but Sam loved it. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean was waiting for Sam in the car, everything ready to take the road again. Dean was itching to feel the hum of the engine and the warmth of the concrete again, couldn’t stand to be in one place for more than two days, restless and paranoid. He had the feeling they needed to move, to find something he didn’t believe they would find. He wanted to enjoy the road the best he could, to drive without destiny and without thinking. Sam was paying for the gas and drinks they had bought at the motel gas station. Dean was humming absently one Metallica song while he watched Sam’s every movement. He didn’t do this on purpose, nor consciously, it was simply an habit. Dean’s eyes were attracted to Sam, he needed to know where Sam was at every second only because he couldn’t breath right if he wasn’t sure Sam was okay and safe. 

Dean was programmed to take care of his little brother and he embraced that fact about himself fiercely. He loved to watch Sam and to take care of him. Sam had the habit to forget about food and Dean had watched him go almost three days without thinking about food and Dean just had to make sure, after everything their bodies had to go through, his brother were eating correctly and thinking about himself and not only the people he wanted to help. In that case, Dean. 

Dean was way past the point of saving and with only one month left, he had made his peace with the fact. He just could not accept that Sam would be okay without him, because he knew very well how the contrary was like. He wanted something, a sign, a promise that Sam would be okay and alive after he was sent to the pit. 

Sam returned from the store and got in the car. He must have seen something on Dean’s face, because his sad puppy eyes were back and Dean sensed an argument coming with the sunset. He rolled his eyes and avoided eye contact while he turned the engine on and dusted off the road.

Sam was studying a possible hunt in Texas, which was more than 400 miles from where they were. Dean flavored the silence for almost one hour before Sam opened his mouth. 

“So, Dean… Please, don’t turn this into a fight okay? I just can’t seem to have the ability to ignore everything until it’s too late like you do, so I just need to talk this out okay man? We need to clear some things, I guess.” Sam offered, innocence in his voice implied nothing about the true nature of these things. 

“Sammy… Dude, what’s there to talk about, anymore, huh? We can’t avoid the situation man, it’s happening and I just want to enjoy my last moments. Is it too much to want to hunt with my partner and don’t think about how close I am to death with every minute that passes?” Dean tried to sound the most casual possible, but Sam could easily read through him. 

“I want to talk about what the fuck am I supposed to do after you leave, dammit! Or have you just ignored this fact too? Are you so eager to just throw away your life and leave me behind? You saved my life and that was that, huh?” Sam’s voice was heavy and filled with such pain that Dean had to look at him. Sam was crying. 

Dean stepped on the breaks and stopped the car on the side of the road. _God fucking dammit_. 

“Sammy…” Dean started, but he couldn’t find the words. He looked at Sam and he was waiting for something. He tried again. “For Gods sake, don’t say stupid shit like that.” 

It wasn’t the answer Sam was expecting. “Don’t say what, Dean? What else am I suppose to think of this last wishes crusade you’re currently living on? Should I just help you go to hell and say nothing, don’t fight? Do you really care about me at all, if you’re just so happy to die and leave me behind?” Sam spoke with despair. 

“Fuck, no! What do you want, Sammy? To go with me to hell? I wouldn’t allow this, never, you hear? I’d fight the devil himself! I want you to live your life! Move on and have the normal life you’ve always wanted! I know it’s hard to think about it now, Sam, but I don’t want you to try to bring me back. You can’t, Sam. Understand?” Dean didn’t want to sound like dad, but that was exactly what he did. 

“Fuck you, Dean.” Sam whispered, anger obvious in his voice. He opened the door and walked out of the car, there was a fence separating the field from the road and Sam used it to support his weight, leaning his arms on the wood. Dean sat there, paralyzed, he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to just go out of the car and take Sam on his arms, kiss him to show how much he loved him. He loved him with every piece left of his soul and he would take this love to hell with him. 

He controlled his breathing and his thoughts before getting out of the car. Sam hadn’t moved yet, so Dean stood behind him and put a hand on his back to call his attention. Sam slowly raised his head and didn’t bother to dry the tears on his face. Dean reached his hand to wipe Sam’s face and it was too late to think twice. He brushed his fingers delicately on Sam’s cheek and smiled softly. 

“Sammy. I did what I did for you. I did it for you, but because I just couldn’t live without you. I am selfish, dude, I’m trash. I couldn’t take care of you and I couldn’t accept to live the rest of my useless life knowing that I had failed the person I love the most in the world. I do, Sammy. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, little brother, including go to hell.” He tried to give a smarts smile to make Sam roll his eyes, but he failed midway. He stared into Sam’s eyes, this was serious. “ I want. I need you to continue your life man, you can’t do what I did, you have to break the cycle. I need you to have a life, to move on and most importantly, to be safe. It’s the only way I can have the strength to endure my punishment, Sammy. Knowing you’re alive and safe, it’s the only thing that’s going to get me through this. The only way to make me come back to you. Can you understand me, Sammy, please? I would give anything not to leave you behind, baby. You’re _my brother_, Sam.” Dean put all his truth in his speech and hoped Sam would accept it. 

Sam didn’t answer, but only looked at him for the longest time. His eyes were red and sad, he was still crying a little. But something was different. Dean could see the questions and the decisions he was making inside that amazing head of his. Dean saw the determination in his brother’s eyes. He knew what was going to happen before it did, but he had no strength to stop it. 

Sam stepped closer to him and pulled him into a crushing hug. He made himself small on Dean’s arms and fit his head on Dean’s neck. He kissed Dean’s neck and held his head still, moving up to Dean’s ear and cheeks. Dean couldn’t make himself stop now. Sam was breathing next to his ear and kissing his earlobe. He moved his kisses through his cheek and his lips found Dean’s in a violent and strong kiss. Sam’s tongue didn’t wait for permission, he stick it out on Dean’s mouth, tasting and conquering the space. Dean slipped his tongue to touch Sam’s and the contact made fireworks explode in his chest. Sam’s hands went back to that comfortable place under Dean’s shirt, his nails digging hard in his skin. It hurt and Dean knew that was the purpose, this wasn’t a declaration of love but a silent fight. What messed up reality they lived if this is how they would be able to express their emotions. 

Their tongues wrestled for another moment, Dean had no command of his actions, he had no thought on his head or will to get away from his brother. His time was ticking and he just couldn’t bring himself to not fall apart. He needed Sam and he needed that connection, needed to feel he was close to Sam again. He felt tears running down his face, but he couldn’t tell if they were his or Sam’s. There was no way to tell who was who anymore. 

Sam made a strangled sound, deep in his throat and Dean thought he had finally realized what they were doing and would step back with disgust, but he didn’t. Sam only held him closer, all of their limbs touching. His brother was as desperate as him, insanely looking for any comfortable he could get from Dean. This shouldn’t be the way, Dean was responsible for putting this space between them and it was sick that he made his little brother think this was the only way to get closer again. It wasn’t fair to Sammy, it wasn’t okay. 

Dean broke the kiss, but didn’t step away, didn’t want to hurt Sammy again. He tried to look calm and controlled, tried to look his brother in the eye but it was Sam who stepped away, it was Sam who didn’t look at him back. _Fuck. _

“Sammy…” Dean’s voice was so weak Sam couldn’t have listened, but he knew he had. “Forgive me.”

Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “There’s nothing to forgive, Dee.” His voice was honest, but broken. He walked slowly back to the car and waited for him. Dean didn’t remember the last time Sam had called him that way, but the term didn’t bring him any comfort or tenderness now like it used to before. He held back a sob, cleaned his eyes and went back to the impala. 

Dean had a limited number of miles he could run before his fate found him. It was going to be a long ride to Texas, but his road started to get shorter every day. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam and Dean returned to the bunker seven days after they had left. It was an easy hunt, but it left a bitter taste in Sam’s mouth. A witch with a wicked sense of humor was making her enemies confront their past issues with dead loved ones, making them hallucinate while she fed on their living bodies. It reminded Sam of the djin he had saved Dean from, so many years ago. It had trapped Dean in an hallucination with their family and the perfect, normal life. Dean was happy for a moment next to another Sam, with a girlfriend and their mom. It had always made Sam insecure and jealous that Dean had considered staying in that reality, leaving Sam alone in their reality. 

But Dean came back to him and they were happy for a short time before Sam was sent to that cursed town and murdered by Jake. For so many times, they had the chance to be together only to be taken away from them by death or worse. So many words were left unspoken, so many emotions were buried side by side with their corpses Sam was surprised by how they had always fought and insisted in their relationship, always felt the need to stay together even when things were bad, because no problem was ever bigger or worse than being separate. 

The witch knew they were in town before they had the chance to find out who she was. The problem of having a reputation to preserve, she had found their stuff and took the old picture of them Sam had taken with him in the trip. She prepared the spell, but they could stop her before she had the chance to bring back whatever part of the past she was aiming for to destroy Sam and Dean. But Sam just couldn’t shake the morbid curiosity out of his thoughts. He wanted to know which part of the past was so decisive that it could hurt them now. Sam was sure it involved Dean and their “I have incestuous feelings towards my brother” past issue. Sam was certain that nothing could destroy them now, nothing could force them to be separate. But Sam had the illusion that maybe he could make things better for their past selves if they had the chance to know how things were going to be in their future. 

He obsessed about it during their trip back but when they got back to the bunker, he decided it was better to leave the past in the past. He was scared that maybe if they messed with things back then, things would change now and he wasn’t willing to risk his and Dean’s relationship. 

Dean was taking a shower and Sam joined him, forgetting about the subject, too lost in Dean’s body and how beautiful his voice was when he decided to sing in the shower. They got out of the shower and went to Dean’s fun bedroom because Sam refused to call it Dean cave. Sam sat on the couch with a book to read and Dean put his head on Sam’s lap, he put a movie on the tv and they fell to a comfortable silence, just existing together. 

Sam’s fingers brushed Dean’s hair, he was keeping it longer now because he knew Sam liked it. The soft blonde strands felt good on Sam’s fingertips and he sometimes got lost on his reading, just enjoying the feeling of Dean and the warmth in his heart from sharing these small moments of peace and comfort. 

The weight on his heart from the mission, the memories from the past slowly melted away with every minute and the realization that everything they had gone through helped them to get to that moment. Some things could have been different, but they were together now, they had forgiven each other for everything and their love was stronger because of it.

Sam closed his eyes and fell asleep, his breathing matching Dean’s own. 

____________________________________________________________

Dean was getting more desperate now, but he hadn’t given up. After that day on the side of the road, he and Sam had a silent agreement that Dean would take an effort to resist his doom. Sam thought he had convinced Dean to have hope, to believe in him to find a way to save him. 

Dean tried, he really did. He just could not find a way out if finding this meant Sam would go back to being a corpse. He had made his peace with the idea of going to hell if it meant Sam would be alive and safe. 

They had talked to so many wizards, priests, hunters and none of them knew of a way to break a demon deal. None, except the demon Ruby. Sam had spent more time with her, talking, planning, learning as she liked to say. Dean knew that bitch was trouble, but Sam insisted they could use her to help him. Dean had a mental note to kill her before the hounds got to him. 

Things weren’t better between him and Sammy. Dean could feel the distance getting bigger, Sam too obsessed in finding a way out that he didn’t have time to argue anymore. But Dean felt his life slipping away, felt their relationship getting colder like a dead body, he could feel himself disappear from Sam like a ghost. This scared him more than hell. 

But they tried, they were fighting back. Hunting had become a secondary thing, they just couldn’t waste time with other monsters if some of them were going to be after Dean in two weeks. 

Dean wished desperately for a way out, to escape Earth, to take Sam to a fantasy world, a different dimension where they could live their lives in peace. Where they could be together and Dean could forget about the fact he was a disgusting piece of shit for wanting his brother. A place where their relationship wasn’t wrong. 

They were in another motel room in Texas. In a town called Lebanon, at the end of the world. Dean had given the idea of spending some quality time in Mexico and South America before his time were finished, but Sam promised they could take a vacation after they had killed Lilith. 

Sam had learned about a group of experts on the supernatural, very shady information and they still had no success on finding the damn group. Dean was starting to get restless again, he wanted to go after Lilith and just put a bullet in his head. But Sam decided that was the last option, always the smartass. Dean prayed that that part of him remained after he was gone. He understood how it was to lose himself because he had lost his brother. Sam had to be stronger, he had to be different. Part of Dean thought he deserved to be forgotten, but he also knew how deep Sam’s love for him ran.

Sam was lost in his thoughts, a book on his hands where they sat on the small table’s chair. Dean felt the strong need to call him to bed with him, he wanted to feel Sam’s fingers brushing his hair, wanted to fall asleep with the sensation of Sam’s warm body close to him. His feelings and cravings were getting stronger now, Dean needed Sam more than he could ever imagine and now that his life had a countdown, he wished he could take Sam completely, to mark him as his, to give and take pleasure from his gorgeous body, to kiss and love his little brother the way he deserved. Dean would die and he wanted to take everything he could of Sam with him, every memory and every feeling. He loved his baby brother and it hurt so much that he couldn’t love him right.

Sam caught Dean staring at him and for a moment they shared a meaningful look. Sometimes, Dean had thought that Sam wanted the same things he did. In these silent conversations where both tried to communicate their emotions without words, often Dean had sensed that Sam wanted more, he was trying to challenge Dean to take the first step, to confess his true feelings. Dean could see in Sam’s eyes something more, more than anger, sadness and patience. He saw fire, need and desire. 

It didn’t matter what Dean thought, though. It was wrong and even if he wasn’t imagining things, he would never convince Sam that these feelings were okay. He wouldn’t damn Sam’s soul to hell, too. Sam deserved better. And if Dean was going to leave soon, he couldn’t give Sam what he wanted and just die, leaving his brother to deal with all the messed up things they had between. No. They couldn’t do this.

In a moment, Sam was looking at him. In the next, Sam was passed out on the chair. The book fell on the floor, and his body was sliding to the ground too. Dean got up in a hurry, worry taking place and he tried to get to Sam, to help him. He took two steps and fell his conscience slipping away, one more and he fell to the ground next to his brother’s body. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam woke up when Dean kissed him, softly. “Wake up, little brother. It’s time to have some fun.” He whispered with amusement. Sam was always aware of Dean’s movements and sounds, even when he was sleeping. It was easy to catch up with his brother’s intentions. 

“Hmmmmf.” Sam mumbled, eager to have Dean’s lips on his again. He pulled his head and their lips locked in a tender, slow kiss. Sam could feel Dean’s breath and his taste, the wetness of his tongue dancing with his. With their mouths connected, Dean pushed Sam to his lap and put one hand on each cheek of his ass, circling them and caressing Sam’s skin. The soft movement sent shivers up his spine and Sam thrusted his hip forward, rubbing their dicks together. 

With his eyes closed, Sam heard the intruders before he saw them. When he opened his eyes, he found himself staring back at him from the room’s door. He had Dean with him, but they were different. Younger. Both looked shocked and impressed by the scene he and Dean were making, but Sam didn’t see disgust or horror on their faces. The connection couldn’t be denied, he noticed. 

His Dean pushed him out and stood up in a second, more confused and alert than he was. Sam didn’t think they could be monsters or any supernatural being, somehow he was almost expecting them to show up. 

“Who the fuck are you?” His Dean demanded. “How the hell did you got into the bunker?” 

The other Dean replied, confident. “Huh, apparently we’re you, dumbass. I’m Dean and this is Sam, we’re not monsters. How about you, huh?” 

Sam thought he should intervene and help everyone to understand the situation. “What year are you from? Did an angel sent you to this time? A demon?” He looked at the other Sam, waiting for a rational answer.

The other Sam was silent, looking at the place on the couch where he and Dean were making out seconds ago. He had a longing on his face, and a deep sadness too. Sam knew from what time they were from even before he answered. Other Sam blinked and looked back at him. “Hm, we’re from 2008. We were in our motel room in Lebanon, Texas, when we passed out. We woke up two minutes ago in the library of this place. Where are we, anyway?” 

“This place looks familiar.” The other Dean whispered to himself and stared at him and Dean, like he understood something. “This is your. Our house, now, right?” 

“We’re in the Men of Letters bunker, in Lebanon. Our grandfather used to be one, so we kind of inherited this place.” His Dean looked at him, for confirmation. “It’s kind of our home, yeah.” 

Sam was impressed by the relaxed manner everyone was taking the new situation. He knew sooner or later the realization would come. He invited his other self and his Dean to go to the kitchen and he served beer and water for them. They needed to understand what happened. 

Once they were all comfortable and the awkwardness came, it was time to discuss the issue they had to solve. “So, do you have any idea what might have sent you to our time? Were you dealing with some supernatural creature?” Sam started with the basics, but deep down he knew he was the responsible for this. He thought of the witch’s spell book they had brought with them to the bunker and the unfinished spell she tried to put on them. The spell to face past loved ones and their unresolved problems. 

“No. We stopped hunting for two weeks now. Sam was researching for some magical way to get me out of the hellhounds aim, we didn’t come across anything unusual.” Dean explained. He looked tired, thinner and sadder. Sam knew he didn’t have much time. He looked at his Dean and held his hand under the table. 

“In what year are we in? Did you go through the same things we are right now?” Other Sam asked and he looked at Sam’s Dean with such hope. If he was there in the future, then maybe he had survived the deal. Sam knew the reality was much harder, but he couldn’t tell everything.

“We are in 2018 and yeah, we have probably lived the same life you did and we found ourselves in the same hell you’re living right now. I’m sorry, Sam. How long do you have?” Sam asked the question for Dean, who was looking at his hand, didn’t want to show his emotions as usual. He offered a comforting smile. 

“Two weeks.” Was all Dean said. His Dean looked at him, waiting for something. “_Do we tell them everything? Can we save them, do things different?_” But Sam didn’t have the answer to that. He only knew that they couldn’t exist together in the same reality, it would probably mess up the universe. He held his Dean’s hand tighter and shook his head “_no._” 

His Dean understood. “Listen, man. I know it’s fucked up, okay? I’m really sorry for you. I don’t know why you guys got sent to our time, our reality or whatever. We couldn’t find a way to save me back then and I don’t know if it exists a way, now.” 

“But I can get him back, right? Sam got you back and you’re alive now. He will be back, won’t he?” Sam demanded confirmation. He was too stubborn to accept the loss until the finish line was in front of him. “I won’t just give up looking for a way because another version of ourselves told us there isn’t one. I _will _save Dean.” It was a promise. Sam recognized all too well that fierce determination, the desperate need to save his brother because he just couldn’t picture a life without Dean in it. That Sam wouldn’t listen to what his wiser version told him. He had to go through things his own way. There was nothing he could do to help himself. 

Or maybe, just one thing. “Hey, man I understand. It’s okay. We just need to find a way to send you back to your reality okay? You have little time.” He stood up, but didn’t let go of Dean’s hand. Their other selves stared at their joined hands and tried to disguise their longing. “I’m going to the library and look for a way to send you back, there must be a spell in one of those thousand books. Will you help me, Sam?” Sam took the opportunity in a flash, they left the kitchen and went to the library. 

As they left, he could hear both Deans fall into an instant conversation. Sam looked at his other self and found the same soft smile on the corner of his mouth.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean had finally found some calm. He and Sam were trapped in this future reality for three days and he could pretend that he was safe for a small time before he had to face the reality of his own world. Sam had explained that it wasn’t safe if they all existed in the same timeline, it would probably fuck up with all the others, all the people they had saved and the people they had become. They had a limited time, like Dean’s whole life lately, but it was different this time. He had found some comfort in watching his other self and his Sam interacting. He knew that their connection was stronger than ever in this reality, he knew they had found each other again, they had walked through all the distance Dean was putting between him and Sam now. Dean was happy to see that one version of him had his brother completely. 

Of course, there was the subject of their relationship. In that first day in the kitchen, when Sam went to the library, Dean had asked other Dean about what he had seen at the bedroom. Dean was kissing his Sam and they were pretty close to doing the next step, too. How the hell they had come to that point, how could Dean allow himself to let Sam be dammed and cursed with him? How did he convince Sam that his feelings were pure? 

Dean didn’t offer much explanation. “Hey man. I know all about the way you think okay? I won’t tell me and Sam’s love story, but if I can give you one advice? Get your head out of your own ass for a little and just watch Sam, okay? We give our little brother too little credit when it comes to his wishes and his will. Pay attention, listen to what he has to say. You’ll find that there are worse things in life than the fear of Catholic damnation. Our daily life is full of sin, so we’re not exactly following all of God’s rules, are we?” He laughed and Dean wanted to argue, but he couldn’t find the words to say. 

Dean’s words were still with him, at every moment he caught a glimpse of Sam and Dean kissing in the hallway, or the sounds that came from their bedroom last night. He hadn’t talked to his Sam for more than a few moments, asking about their research and imagining how they could go back to their reality. The distance between them was bigger now, but Dean could feel Sam watching him every second he was out of the library. They were going to need to talk about this, but Dean had to figure it out everything first. 

His Sam and his other self were preparing dinner. It was funny how in so little time they had fallen in a routine, they exchanged couples every time they had a chance, to discover more about each other and interact with a part of themselves they didn’t know. Dean was sitting in the library, reading a book about hell, trying to prepare himself for what was to come. The other Sam was sitting in front of him, in complete silence. He thought he had gotten lost in the book, like his Sam always had, but he looked up at him when he noticed Dean was staring. Dean felt ashamed and downed his look, but Sam smiled. He looked at the cover of the book Dean was reading and frowned.

“Are you sure it’s good to read this? It’s not going to make things worse?” Sam asked softly, his voice was full of an old pain. Dean could imagine how it must have been for him when he had lost his own. Dean noticed the little diferences between his Sam and the one in front of him, how much of that was because of him and what he was going to force Sam to go through? Sam looked at him with compassion and understanding, so different from the anger and sadness his Sam did. 

“I would like to be prepared for what’s to come. Maybe if I know the type of torture I’m going to endure it will be easier when the time comes.” Dean offered, but he knew nothing could prepare him for the real torture, the impossibility of ever seeing his brother again. “I’m not scared of some physical torture, really.” He knew he was, but it didn’t matter. 

“You’re scared of losing Sam.” Sam translated his words. God, how well did he know him? 

Dean closed his eyes and shook his head. He opened them and Sam was smiling at him, satisfied. This one was still a little bitch, he noticed. “Yes, I am. I’m scared of everything, actually, but don’t tell him that. Truth is I don’t want to die, I don’t want to go to hell, but I deserve it. It’s the price I have to pay for Sam’s life and I’ll pay.”

Sam rolled his eyes, just a little. But didn’t say anything and Dean thanked him for it. But this made him keep talking. “I don’t know what waits for me in the pit, but I know that every motherfucker down there will want a piece of me, so I expect a great deal of pain. But what scares me the most is the fact that Sam will be alone, with Ruby poisoning his mind. There are so many things I want to say to him, but nothing could ever repare the damage I’m doing. I can only hope that his soul remains intact, he needs to get out of this life and move on, leave me behind. I can’t stand to imagine him losing himself to save me, just like I did. We need to end this cycle, you know what I mean? But I know him well enough to know better.” Sam was watching him speak in silence, his expression didn’t change. 

Sam knew so many things that Dean would yet to find out and he knew it, but he wouldn’t ask. He wanted to bad to ask him about his feelings for Dean, to ask him if he ever thought he was evil for wanting him, or if he ever had second thoughts about loving his brother. He wanted to ask about how Sam’s life would be like after he was gone, but he knew Sam wouldn’t say. Sam was trying to protect him. He went for the easiest question.

“So. You and Dean get along well in this reality, I hope? He’s not a jerk to you, is he?” It was stupid that Dean was being protective and jealous of himself, but this was their life. 

Sam laughed out loud and Dean was surprised with the sound. He realized he hand’t listened to Sam’s laugh in a very long time. The sound was beautiful and he couldn’t avoid laughing, too. It would never stop being amazing, the power to make Sam laugh.

“Yeah, Dean. My brother treats me very well. He can’t help being a jerk sometimes, but so am I. We have found a balance that works well for us, you know? This is my life and I’m very happy next to him.” Dean could feel the honesty and love behind those words. He wanted so much to be the object of love of Sam, wanted so much to hear his brother tell him he was happy with him. “And the sex is amazing, if you’re wondering.” Sam commented and Dean choked on air. The look of amusement on Sam’s face told him there was no need to deny anything, his other self had probably told him everything about the conversation they had in the kitchen. The fucker.

“Is it?” Dean asked softly, embarrassed. The elephant was on the table, so there was no ignoring it now. 

Sam nodded. “Dean once told me that all the sex he had had with other women couldn’t have prepared him for what sex with me was like. Me, I had been with other men before, at Stanford or on the road with him. But I could never go all the way. With women it was easier because they didn’t look like Dean, but every time I tried to have sex with other men, I could only think of Dean. I had hopes that one day he would love me back, he wouldn’t be afraid of me. Until one day, he did.” Sam stopped and smiled with the memory of their first time. Dean’s dick was rock hard in his pants, listening to his baby brother talking like that. If Sam had wanted him back in Stanford, so maybe his Sam wanted him too? His Sam had tried to fuck other men and couldn’t, because he wanted him? 

A sudden feeling of possessiveness possessed Dean. Sam had tried to be with other men, but he was Dean’s all along. His Sam was also his, whether they fucked or not. 

He swallowed hard, trying to control the pressure on his balls. He wanted to stand up and take Sam right on the kitchen counter with his other selves watching. He controlled his thoughts, he had to be sure. “Sam kissed me, a few weeks ago.” He started, but somehow he knew that Sam remembered that moment too. “On the side of the road, we were arguing and he was so angry, I didn’t stop him but I know I should have. My Sammy is different, Sam. He doesn’t love me that way, I couldn’t force him to do such thing.” 

Sam stood up and walked around the table, to stand in front of him. Dean felt like he should stand too, so he did. “Look, Dean. Sam is not stupid, I am not stupid. Do you think he doesn’t notice you staring at him after he goes out of the shower? Do you think he has never listened to you say his name while jerking off in the bathroom? I know he has, because I have done all of this as well. This thing, between us…” Sam stepped closer, pointing to the space between them, smaller now. “It can’t be ignored, it can’t be forgotten. I have loved Dean for all my life and I have wanted my brother since I was old enough to understand why my dick got so hard whenever he touched me.” Sam touched Dean’s chest and he couldn’t hold it, Sam wanted him, he longed for him too. 

Sam closed the distance between them and whispered. “You can kiss me, if you want. I want this too, I’ve been wanting this for so long, Dee.” 

Dean obeyed and kissed Sam. The older, different version of Sam, but it was still him. And it didn’t feel wrong. 

He could hear other Dean and his Sammy in the kitchen and he suddenly felt dirty. Was he cheating on himself? Was he cheating on Sam? How could he, if they weren’t a couple? What the fuck kind of reality was this, when he could long for one brother and be able to kiss another? 

Sam’s mouth was so good, so sweet. It was exactly the same mouth he had kissed by the side of the road, but this time there wasn’t any self loathing, no pain and no anger in the kiss. It was tender, Sam was offering him nothing but kindness and healing. The kiss tasted like something Dean never thought he could have, but now there was just a single spark of hope inside his chest. He hadn’t felt this way for so long, he felt his heart was being glued back together. 

Sam broke the kiss after a few minutes, looking at him with love and something like fun. Maybe he was also worrying about the other two versions of themselves in the kitchen? Dean smiled at him. Somehow, it was okay. 

A shout from the kitchen warned them that dinner was ready and they walked together to meet their loved ones.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam got out of the shower and didn’t bother to put on any clothes before laying in bed, where Dean was already waiting for him. Dinner was definitely an interesting experience that night. When they got to the kitchen, his Dean and younger Sam were sitting close to each other, comfortably waiting for them two. Sam immediately knew from Dean’s face that something had happened in the kitchen as well. He wanted to ask right then, but felt he couldn’t intervene more. The younger versions of themselves would have to find their ways back to each other by themselves. 

They had discussed a little more about a spell to sent them back, younger Sam was sure he could find something in one of the books he had gotten in the library. Sam would wait until the morning to tell him about the witch’s spell book. There, he would find the solution. Then, there was just the matter of hitting their stubborn heads on the wall until they admitted their feelings to each other. He pictured the scene and smiled, there was a time when he would have thanked if someone did this to him and Dean. Thank god, it was everything okay now. 

“So, you kissed another man, huh? Does he kiss better than I do?” Dean asked when he fit himself next to him under the covers. Sam rolled his eyes, but there was something serious in Dean’s eyes. 

“Dean, it was you.” He reminded him. “How was that cheating?” Sam was afraid that if he did what he did without talking about it with Dean first would get a negative response from his brother, but he couldn’t let the opportunity go. He needed to help Dean realize there was nothing wrong with their love, couldn’t just stand and watch them suffer in silence. 

“It wasn’t me, Sammy. It was a different version of me, a younger and hotter version of me.” Dean admitted what was his problem, then. “You don’t want to trade me for him, do you?” He probably knew it was a stupid question as he asked, but Sam didn’t laugh. He understood Dean’s insecurity, had it mirrored in himself so many times before. But it wasn’t like that anymore, there shouldn’t exist this between them. 

“Dean, listen to me. I would let the world burn and die if it was the only way to be you. We would live together, forever in this bunker and I would have a happy live with you and no one else. You and me, brother, just you and me.” Sam kissed Dean’s lips to make sure he understood the meaning of those words. 

“Hmm. Good.” Dean hummed, easily satisfied. “Cause I kissed young Sammy, too. Or better, he kissed me. It seems that you are the only one with attitude in this family.” He complained. “The kid was starving for attention. I never knew you were so desperate for my cock before, Sammy.” 

Sam punched Dean’s shoulder, but laughed. “I’ve wanted you since I was 13 Dee. Now that he knows there’s a possibility, Sam must be crazy to be with Dean.” 

Dean pulled Sam into a tight hug and kissed his forehead. “Do you think they’ll find their way before Dean’s contract is over?” He whispered, like talking about that was still scary and painful. It was. 

“I think they will. We didn’t, but we didn’t have this help.” Sam answered, honestly. They had to. “It’s going to be more painful than it was for us, I guess. We didn’t know what we were missing before. They will. I hope it’s enough to change a few decisions I’ve made in those four months without you…” He admitted, weakly. He had just a little hope that Sam wouldn’t get lost in his addiction and into Ruby’s manipulative arms if he was certain that he would have Dean when he returned. 

“Even if they still repeat all the same stupid things we did. We are still here, baby boy. I’m holding you in my arms right now and nothing could ever make me let go.” Dean promised. 

Sam knew it was true. It would be okay. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean woke up to the sound of someone knocking on his temporary bedroom door. He didn’t bother to stand, just shouted a muffled “Come in!” and waited for the silhouette to enter. He didn’t know the time, but it was in the middle of the night. It could only be one person, really. 

“What is it, Sammy? You okay?” He whispered, he and Sam still hadn’t talked a lot. During dinner, Dean was more worried watching how close he and Other Dean were sitting. He had just kissed Other Sammy, but they didn’t know that. He really didn’t like what he saw and he made sure to let Sam know, ignoring him the rest of the night. But he couldn’t stay mad for long, specially with his mind confused with sleep. 

Sam didn’t sound surprised that Dean knew it was him. “Hi, Dean. I can’t sleep in the other bedroom. Was having a nightmare and the silence make me think too much. Wanna talk?” He asked with the innocence of a child. Sam wanted to talk like they used to when they were little, Dean always comforted Sam after he had a nightmare, he held him closer to his chest and found ways to make him laugh. Back then, they still shared the same bed and only Dean’s proximity could calm Sam.

He opened his arms, an invitation. “How about we don’t talk and you just sleep here with me? ‘M tired, Sammy.” 

Sam didn’t disagree, he just positioned himself next to Dean on the bed. Sam’s long and gigantic body seemed small as he fit himself to Dean’s form. Dean focused on the feeling alone and didn’t let his mind wonder about if that was wrong or not and tried to ignore the growing boner on his pajamas pants. He was almost falling back to sleep when Sam spoke again. 

“I kissed Dean tonight.” He whispered, like a confession. He pressed his face on the pillow, like he wanted to hide his face. Dean knew something had happened between them, but he wasn’t sure how to feel with this information. He had also kissed Sam that night and he was worried if that meant he had betrayed Sam and Dean at the same time. Something in his chest ached and he knew it was jealousy. Dean had lost so much time worrying if Sam would be damaged by his love and there Sam was, looking for that love in someone else. 

“Huh.” He couldn’t say anything else, too lost in his own thoughts. Sam wanted him, he had probably always wanted him and Dean was just too selfish to allow himself be happy with his brother, too stupid to respect Sam and see him like the man he was, not the innocent kid he always needed to protect. He had mistreated him and now they had no time left to live the life they wanted. And it was Dean’s fault. 

“Are you mad?” Sam asked, sadly. It was just like Sam to apologize for something he didn’t have to, they weren’t in a relationship. Dean wanted to just turn his face around and kiss him, show him how much he needed his brother, how Dean was completely gone for him. There was still something keeping him from doing that, though and Dean couldn’t move. 

“Why did you kiss him, Sammy?” He needed to know the answer, needed to be completely sure. He tried to sound casual and not completely at Sam’s mercy like he actually was.

“Because in that first day, when we walked in on them about to have sex I thought we were trapped into a djin spell or something, because I had been dreaming about it every night. You and me… together. It was easy to ignore before you made that deal, but now we have a limited time and all I could ever want is about to slip from my fingers like water. And I know you don’t want me, or at least you’re too disgusted to want me, but that Dean wanted his Sam and I thought he could want me, too. At least for that moment I could pretend, y’know?” Sam confessed everything and his voice didn’t break once. He had made his peace with his feelings long before Dean has and he wasn’t ashamed of them, he had just accepted them and he thought Dean would never return his affection. 

“When his lips touched mine, I didn’t have to imagine they were yours because they really were. For so many years I have been trying to replace this feeling, with other women and men, other bodies touching me. But it just never went away. When Dean touched me… I wanted to give myself completely to him and for a second I wanted to _be _with him, even though I know he is with Sam.” Sam continued his confession. “After, he hugged me like a big brother and told me I should tell you this. I figured it couldn’t be worse than things already are.” Sam chuckled with sadness and for the first time, looked Dean in the eye. “Are you mad?” He repeated the unanswered question.

Dean had no escape, it was now or never. “I’m feeling a lot of things right now, Sammy. I feel like an idiot, for starters. I’m confused, relieved… But no, I’m not angry. How could I be angry if you went looking in someone else the love I didn’t give you? For that and so many other things, Sammy, I’m sorry.” He brought his hand to Sam’s waist, circling the bone with his thumb. “I’ve kissed Sam, too. He wanted to show me how you’ve never been disgusted by me, he told me he had loved Dean ever since he was a kid and he never felt his love was wrong… Like I have. I was just so scared, Sammy… Scared of losing you.” Dean’s voice was not above a whisper. 

“You could never lose me, Dee.” Sam promised but he knew it was a lie. Dean had lost Sam, almost one year ago, it was the reason why they were in such a desperate situation in the first place. Nothing good would ever come out if a Winchester was left alone on Earth. 

Dean decided to let out what was breaking his heart for the whole year. “I have lost you, Sammy. One year ago and now I’m gonna lose you too, and you’re gonna lose me.” He swallowed hard, trying to hold his tears. “I’ve wasted all my life feeling bad for myself, disgusted that I would corrupt and poison my little brother while you were just waiting for me, you needed me like I needed you. Now, some crazy mumbo jumbo has trapped us in this bunker with older versions of us and it looks like the reason was only to make me realize the biggest mistake of my life. I’ll spend my eternity in hell, regretting every second of my days that I didn’t spend kissing you, touching you…” The tears were running free down his face now, but he didn’t look away and Sam didn’t either. 

Dean moved his hand up Sam’s body, softly. “I’m in love with you, Sammy. I’ve been in love with you since you were born, I guess, but in different ways. Being your brother is everything that I am, that I love about myself. I would never care or love someone more than I care about you, so it makes sense that I love you in every way possible. I should have loved you better…” 

Sam moved closer, Dean could see tears on his face as well. There was nothing left to say, Dean pulled Sam close to his body and held him tight. Sam grasped Dean’s naked torso and held desperately. In that moment, the realization of what was going to happen in one week fell on both of them like a rock, paralyzing them with fear and grief. Dean was going to lose his baby brother, he would die and leave him behind and nothing would ever hurt worse than that. He could feel Sam’s pain, flowing out of him like waves coming straight to Dean’s heart. It was his fault, his responsibility. 

He hugged Sam as if he could trap him in his heart, mix their bodies together so they would never be forced to be apart again, he would take Sam to wherever he was sent to and together, only together, they could fight and escape anywhere in the world. But Dean was going to do this alone, he had no alternative and he felt weaker already, he was only half a man whenever he was away from his brother, his other half. Dean would have to endure the horrors of hell by himself and fight alone and deep down he knew he wasn’t strong enough. Not without Sam. 

Sam held back just as strong, hiding his face on the curve of Dean’s shoulder and neck and he could hear the controlled sobs, the tears falling down his neck like a waterfall. He mumbled many things but Dean could understand only a few. “I’m sorry.”, “Can’t live without you, Dee.” ,“I love you so much, please don’t leave me.”. They were a child’s plea for comfort, he was scared and he needed Dean to help him. But Dean was the reason why he felt that way, there was no changing what was made, he couldn’t help Sam anymore. His fault, his responsibility. 

“Listen to me, Sammy. I’ll come back to you, you hear me? I promise.” Dean tried sound sure, sound confident. He had to believe that himself. He saw older Dean in front of him, so something is going to happen. He didn’t know what, when or if he had any choice. But he would come back to his brother, they had so many things to live now. So many things to discover, together. 

Dean held Sam until he was calmer, he dried his tears and gave him a kiss. It wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t romantic. They were brothers and in that moment, Dean was Sam’s big brother. 

He held and protected him until Sammy fell asleep. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam opened the witch’s spell book on the kitchen table and looked for how to undo the spell she cursed on them. It wasn’t exactly a curse, Sam thought, because it brought positive things and that was a first time. He had to play cupid for his younger self and his younger brother and that was something possible only in their lives, but he hoped that would change things only for the better in the course of their next years, because to have Dean’s love had always made Sam stronger and he believe the opposite was true as well. Dean had told Sam that when he was in hell, he was tortured with the memories of all the times he had denied Sam his love and with pictures of how things could have been if he wasn’t so stupid and blind. Dean kept dreaming of the day he and Sam could be together and after Castiel got him out of the pit, he wanted to just run and kiss Sam when he first saw him. 

Unfortunately, things took a little longer to be settled, because Sam was too lost in revenge and Dean was too damaged to think he deserved anything good in his life. They had found themselves only after Sam wasn’t intoxicated by Ruby’s poisonous blood and influence. Dean had found in himself the will to forgive Sam, because there was no alternative but being together. After that, it happened naturally like it was long overdue. Sam imagined how things would turn out for their younger selves now that they have admitted their true feelings sooner than they did. He hoped that Sam’s love would give Dean some comfort in his next forty years to come and he hoped that Dean’s love was enough to protect Sam of all other influences. 

Sam knew his younger self wouldn’t give up trying to save Dean and after, trying to bring him back. That’s how it was supposed to be, but he didn’t have to look for Dean in no one else anymore, and that was going to help him through those eternal months in living hell without his brother. 

He had to send them back so they could fulfill their destinies and save the world. Sam did what he could and he had to believe things would be okay now. He was still there, Dean was right beside him preparing breakfast and that wasn’t going to change. 

He found what he was looking for faster than he thought. The reverse spell was complicated, but he was pretty sure they had all the ingredients in the bunkers inventory. Sam had become quite the collector, now that he had sufficient space. He had showed their things and taught Sammy a few things, only because he wanted to talk to someone who would share his enthusiasm about certain things. The only person, of course, had to be himself. 

He would actually miss spending time with their younger selves. They had fallen into a pleasant routine, the four of them. It was interesting to talk about personal things to people who shared the same personality and to actually see how they have changed throughout the years. Younger Sam was fierce and angry, over confident. Sam had taken a few beats from a thousand monsters and he had learned that being wise and peaceful was the better way. To forgive. He figured that Sam was going to find his inner peace somehow, but he admired how strong and determined he was. 

Younger Dean had so much conflicted feelings, still fighting his internal wars, isolating himself from Sam. His Dean was different now, he trusted Sam to keep his secrets and his grieves. Dean had learned that talking was easier than screaming or fighting. Younger Dean suffered with his and other’s pain and that was something he would never change and Sam loved that about him, how compassionate and sensitive he was. He cared about people and most of all, he cared about him. 

The days they have spent with their younger selves had taught Sam a few things about that time that he didn’t remember. Aspects of himself and Dean that, at that time, only made him feel angrier, but now, watching them from a different point of view helped Sam to understand and forgive that old part of himself and Dean. 

He looked over at Dean and watched him humming one of his favorite songs while frying some eggs. He didn’t have the tension on his shoulder, the constant worrying about some bigger force or all the people he couldn’t save. Sam smiled and believe that his brother had found a little peace as well. 

He stood up and went to the library and called Sam to help him with the ingredients. Sam and Dean were sitting close to each other again, Sam’s leg was over Dean’s one on the chair and Dean’s hand was absently brushing his hair while they did more research. Dean seemed reluctant to let Sam walk away from him, but Sam smiled and gave him a small kiss. 

Sam smiled big and satisfied, the kiss from last night worked. 

They went to the dungeon and Sam took a basket to put all the ingredients. He gave the list to other Sam and together they looked in the hundreds shelves. It was a comfortable silence, only broken by one Sam repeating the names to the other. Sam was just waiting, because he knew the other wanted to ask a few questions. He just wasn’t sure he would be able to answer, he has had enough of messing with the functioning of the universe. Some things couldn’t change. 

The first question came soon. “Hey, Sam.” The younger called. “For how long will Dean stay in hell?” 

It was a simple question, Sam figured it wouldn’t hurt to give him some comfort. “Four months.” He purposely let out the part where it would be forty years for Dean.

Sam nodded, he looked relieved. “Will I be the one to save him?” A much harder question. Sam could still feel the sting of have failing Dean, he couldn’t save him from death and he also couldn’t save him from hell. 

“I can’t say, Sam. One thing I can say to you is that you have to try. On your _own_, you have to try.” He wanted so much to warn Sam about Ruby, about her plans for him and about demon blood. But he couldn’t, it was a part of himself that Sam had to find out, he had to find his way alone. 

Sam accepted that without a fight, because he also understood the situation. “Don’t worry, I will.” They worked in silence for a little longer. “Will things be the same when he comes back?” 

Sam knew he was asking about the nature of their relationship. “No, they won’t. The things Dean suffered in hell haunted him for a long time, I ask you to be patient with him, because I wish I had been. He loves you and he will come back to you eventually, but he’ll need help. Your love is the only thing that can heal him.” Sam smiled softly, he knew all the love Sam had for his brother because it was the same love he had for his Dean, he knew Dean would be okay, too.

“I love him. Nothing he could ever do or say could force me to leave him.” Sam replied, with the certain of youth. Sam remembered the day Dean told him he was monster and told him to don’t come back. Sam had believed him and for a moment, he planned to. But he had forgiven that as well, even before Dean had found him in that church. 

He smiled to the fierce young man in front of him and nodded. 

They collected all the ingredients they needed and went back to the kitchen. His Dean and the other were eating their eggs with coffee and looked up in synchrony when they arrived. Sam laughed at the resemblance and both had the same confused look on their faces, which made Sam laugh even more. He was definitely going to miss them. 

“We got everything?” Dean asked with his mouth full. Sam nodded and walked to the cabinet to get the bowls.

“I’ll prepare the spell and you two will be able to return to your timeline.” Sam said. Younger Sam and Dean shared a meaningful look, afraid of what was expecting them ten years ago. 

“We’re ready.” Sam affirmed.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Sam finished preparing the spell and everything was ready to go, Dean wanted to say his goodbyes. 

He hugged Dean and it was a little weird, being kind to himself. The other Dean didn’t seem bothered by the affection, he had a fond smile to his mirror, a smile that Dean didn’t remember ever giving to himself. He figured he had learned a few things about forgiveness in all those years to come. 

“You hang in there, okay pal? It’s going to be tough, but if anyone can make it, it’s you. Don’t forget your strength Dean, and the reason why you keep fighting.” He looked at Sam and Dean nodded. Yeah, he would never forget. 

They broke the hug and Dean kept a hand on his shoulder for a little longer while his Sam and the other said their goodbyes. Then, Sam took a step in his direction and pulled Dean to a hug. He hugged back just as hard, somehow it was so difficult to say goodbye to his brother even though it wasn’t the version of Sam that was his brother in his time. He knew then that he would love any version, any type and anything that Sam might become in the future, he would always be his Sam. 

“I love you, Dee. I loved you then and I love you now.” Sam was already crying, like the big baby he would always be and this melted Dean’s heart. For fuck’s sake, he would have to say goodbye to his Sam at some moment in the next days and now he also had to suffer through this? “I’ll be waiting for you.” Sam promised and gave him a small kiss. He was still his brother. Dean loved him too.

“Goodbye, Sammy. I’ll see you in ten years.” He promised. He would be back to his Sammy and he would live to watch him grow old next to him, like the older Dean did. 

His Sam was waiting for him. He reached for his hand and together they waited for Sam to chant the spell. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam cried for two hours after his other self and his Dean disappeared, back to their time and their motel room in Lebanon. 

Dean patiently held him and calmed him down, with tender reassurances. “I’m here, baby boy. I’m alive.”, “We’re together, I won’t leave you ever again.”, “It’s over, I’m okay. We’re okay.” . Sam knew this, deep down, but he couldn’t avoid the rush of old feelings that came back in the second he sent Dean back to his death and he watched Sam go with a strong determination and fear of what’s to come. He couldn’t help them, once again he couldn’t save Dean from hell. Sam was powerless, could only watch as his brother suffered for four decades. 

He missed that Dean, he missed his innocence and his lively attitude. He missed that Sam’s courage and willingness to fight everything and win. He looked back to everything that had happened in ten years and he felt sorry for their younger versions. He knew they were okay now, he trusted Dean to take care of him, to fight for them and to never do something as stupid as selling his soul for Sam. It was over and he would be back to normal, but he needed to let out. 

Dean had his share of grief too. A few of hell’s memories went back and he told Sam things he had never told so far. 

“One night, Alaistair allowed me to sleep for a few hours without interruption or any kind of pain. I took a long time to sleep, afraid that he’d show up at any time by surprise just to fuck with me. But he didn’t and in an hour I could fall into a restless sleep. I didn’t dream, but when I woke up I thought I was dreaming. You were there, laying next to me. Naked. Your skin was soft and warm and I hadn’t felt anything close to human contact for I don’t know how many years. You were there and I thought that you had died, or that I could finally have some peace for a few seconds of dreaming.” Dean’s voice was low, soft and ashamed. “I called your name and you smiled. I reached out to touch you, my hands were shaking and you held them. You put my hand on your chest, I could feel your heartbeat and my body relaxed with relief..

I knew it wasn’t you, then. I didn’t want to do anything, because it would only cause more pain. But you kissed me, you asked me to fuck you. I tried to say no, it wasn’t okay, I didn’t want to hurt you. But you wanted so much, Sammy, you touched me and the pleasure was just so good, so different from all the pain and the torture. You made such beautiful, tender sounds. You wanted me Sammy and that was everything I ever wanted. After we finished, my body felt weak and I fell asleep again, with you in my arms. When I woke up, I could feel you were still in my arms and I smiled. But when I opened my eyes, it wasn’t you…” Dean’s voice was broken, he was trying so hard to keep control. “It was him. He laughed at me and touched my face. ‘Was it good for you, Dee?’ He asked and I didn’t have any more strength to fight. I accepted what he had to give and I cried, weak and powerless. After that, he came back a few times… and I surrender myself, every time. He always sounded like you, he called me Dee and he promised to take care of me. And I gave myself to him, Sammy. I did, and I’m sorry. I betrayed you.” 

Sam felt like a knife was being pierced through his skin at every word that Dean said. He didn’t blame him, of course he didn’t. Dean didn’t do this because he wanted to, he was manipulated and tortured into accepting what Alastair had to give him. Deep down, he felt the cold satisfaction of justice. He had killed Alastair and he was sure he died in pain. He wished he could have him there again, to kill and he felt good to know that younger Sam was going to do this. 

“Dean.” He called, softly. “There’s nothing you could ever say or do that could make me leave you. It wasn’t your fault, nothing that happened in hell matters. It wasn’t you, you didn’t betrayed me. There’s nothing to forgive.” Sam assured him. 

They stayed in bed the whole day, giving love and comfort to each other. Sam’s thoughts were on the others Sam and Dean and when they finally fell asleep, he dreamed with them.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean woke up on the floor next to Sam where they had passed out, five days ago. It felt weird for a second, to be back. In an hour, they were back in the car and driving to South Dakota, to see Bobby and figure it out what to do next. Dean had 4 days. 

They drove for 32 hours straight, he and Sam took turns and by the end of the second day they were at Bobby’s house, preparing the gear to go after Lilith. Another 24 hours driving and they would get to her at the finish line. Dean looked at Sam over the bags they were arranging on the trunk. They haven’t got time to talk and could barely touch each other, Dean missed Sam’s skin like crazy. He couldn’t wait anymore. 

Bobby was inside and wouldn’t come out to his maze of scrap metal. Dean took Sam’s hand and pushed them to the back seat of the car. 

“Kiss me, Sammy. I’m dying to taste you, baby boy.” He begged and Sam complied at the same time. Their mouths connected and fire ignited in Dean’s belly. He groaned and pulled Sam’s hair to arrange his head so they could kiss deeper, harder. It wasn’t gentle, it was desperate. _Too little time, fuck. _Sam’s tongue tasted like beer and the salada he ate on the road and Dean would save that flavor forever. It was Sam. 

Sam moaned in his mouth and Dean needed more, so much more. He kissed down Sam’s throat, sucking hard and leaving a mark there so Sam could have something to remember him later. He bit and sucked at every inch of skin he put his mouth on, then spent his time worshipping Sam’s hard, pink nipples. Every slide of tongue took such pretty sounds of Sam’s mouth, he kept calling for Dean’s name, wanting more, begging for more. Dean sucked on both nipples until they were swollen and sore, but Sam kept asking for more. He bit on the tip and it made Sam thrust his hip up, making their dicks touch through the fabric of their jeans. 

Dean groaned and helped Sam get their clothes out of the way. When Sam was fully naked, laying on the backseat of the car that for so many times had been their bed, Dean took his time to watch his brother’s body. Sam was gorgeous, thin and fit muscle. So many scars covered his torso and back, which made him even more beautiful, stronger. 

“God. You’re so fucking beautiful, Sammy. So fucking beautiful and mine. Always been mine, haven’t you?” Dean asked and Sammy nodded, desperate to give himself to Dean. “Forever yours, Dee. Been yours since the day I was born. Was born to love you.” Sam confessed with so much love and honesty. 

Dean got down to kiss him one more time before going down to where Sam’s hard cock was begging for his attention. He held Sam’s cock and looked up to him, Sam’s pupils were big and dark, glowing with fire. He nodded his head “Yes, please.” And Dean put his brother’s dick in his mouth. 

It was the first time Dean had ever sucked cock in his life and he knew he wouldn’t ever do this to anyone else but his Sam. Sam was the focus of his arousal, of his want for so long he couldn’t remember. The wetness at the head of his dick showed Dean that Sam thought the same. His cock tasted so good, the feeling of the soft muscle on the tip of his sensitive tongue was so delicious, he wanted to suck it for the rest of his short life. He moaned with pleasure and Sam answered the same way. 

“D- Dean.” Sam was having a hard time breathing and Dean moaned with satisfaction. “I won’t take long. Fuck, it’s so good. I’m gonna come.” Sam’s words only impulsed Dean to suck faster, sliding his tongue in all the length while moving his head up and down. He felt Sam’s ball tighten and his cock got even harder before Sam was shooting his load deep on Dean’s throat. It was fucking perfect. Dean kept sucking until Sam was weak and fell down, only soft sounds coming out of his mouth. 

He let his cock go with a wet sound and moved up to kiss Sam again. He opened his eyes and opened his mouth, eager to taste himself on Dean’s mouth. Dean fed him with his own come, giving his tongue so Sam could suck on it, encouraging his baby brother to take everything he wanted Dean would give him. 

“Make love to me, Dean. Please, need to fill you inside me. Want you to fill my whole body with yours. Want us to be only one, Dee.” Sam was like a kid asking for candy. He needed that and Dean could never deny him anything. He wanted to much to be inside Sam he thought he would die. 

“I will, my love. You already have my soul, my body is yours too.” He promised and offered himself to Sam completely. Let the world explode, let hellhounds come running after him he didn’t care. Dean’s world was Sam and he had everything he needed. 

Sam was prepared. He had fingered himself on the bathroom early because he figured they wouldn’t have much time, he told him. But Dean took his time anyway. He pushed one finger inside his brother and had to close his eyes and take a deep breath to calm himself, fuck it was so good. Sam felt even warmer and softer on the inside and Dean just wanted to live there forever. 

He moved his finger in and out of Sam, going deeper and harder every time he pushed another one. Sam was shaking and couldn’t keep his legs quiet from the pleasure. With three fingers in, Dean thought he couldn’t hold on any longer. 

Pre come was leaking from his cock and he only needed to spread it on his length. Sam’s hole was wet and opened for him. Dean moved out of the car and pulled Sam to the corner of the seat. Dean was standing and Sam had room to open his legs as best as he could. The view of his brother’s hole, inviting him, Sam’s face red and sweaty with pleasure was probably the best last wish Dean could ever have asked for. He was happy and complete in that moment. 

He positioned himself on Sam’s hole and pushed his cock inside. He wanted to take it slow, but Sam reached behind his butt and pulled him in in one hard thrust. Dean saw stars, he had never felt something like this. Sam was perfect, inside and out. His body was life and Dean could never take enough from it. He started moving but he couldn’t go slowly anymore, with every thrust he felt the pleasure growing, burning him. He felt like screaming and Sam wasn’t doing a better job hiding his sounds. 

Dean fucked Sam’s ass hard and loud every time their bodies bumped together. 

“Fucking perfect, Sammy. You’re perfect for me, for my cock. Fuck, Sam.” Sam was moaning so loud, so needy. Dean’s words only made him moan louder, calling for him. 

“Yeah, Dean. Only yours, all yours. God, yeah, right there.” Oh, so that was the place. Dean moaned and positioned his cock to hit the exact same spot at every thrust. He didn’t need to reach for Sam’s cock, it was already hard and leaking. Dean fucked faster. Sam shouted like a damn whore and came hard, his come spurting on his belly and his neck. 

That was it. Dean matched Sam’s scream and came like he had never done before, his brain blacked out and the only thing that existed in Dean’s world was Sam’s warm body and the pleasure he’d given him. He fell down on top of his brother and they kissed for what it seemed forever. In that moment, time was still and only them mattered. 

“How will I be able to live without you, Dean?” Sam asked, but his voice wasn’t breaking and he wasn’t crying. Maybe Sam had accepted reality, there was no escaping hell. He sounded determined and strong and it gave Dean some solace. 

“We’re going to make it, Sammy. We know the nightmare will end eventually, we’ve seen it. Be patient for me, baby boy. Wait for me and I’ll wait for you, too.” 

“I’ll wait for you, Dee. We’ll always find our way back. Next to you is the only place I belong.” Sam affirmed and Dean could only nod. There was nowhere they could ever go where they couldn’t find each other. Dean had saved Sam from a burning house and with that, the only home they could ever wish for was each other’s embrace. 

Dean would remember that, deep in the fires of hell. He wouldn’t forget his Sammy, nor the other Sam’s he would get to know as they grow old together. 

Dean fell asleep on his lover’s arms and when he woke up, they were ready to face destiny. It didn’t matter where he was going, if they were gonna win or not. The only that’s ever mattered was that they were going to be together again and that knowledge gave Dean all the strength he needed. Hell would be hell, but not even hell could erase of him the memory of what he and Sam shared together, of the intimacy and love they had. Not even Satan himself could stand between their love and this made Dean stronger. 

He was going down, but he would fight until the end.

Sam would be waiting for him.


End file.
